Conflicted

Being a mom has been the most conflicting aspect of my life. Those who know me well, know I am incredibly indecisive (sadly Shane inherited this from me, more on that later). Anyway, I don't know what I want one minute to the next and I have new ideas that quickly pass. This has translated over to motherhood. Some mornings when I am driving both kids to preschool on Wednesdays, I can't get there fast enough, I am so excited to drop them off and have the day with just a baby, who can't talk back, hit me, or have a massive tantrum. Anders and I run our errands on Wednesdays and it is pleasant. The conflict is that the moment I drop them off, I miss them, and am sometimes tempted to run back in and pick them up. How crazy is that!!! There in lies the conflict, how can these little people make you so crazy that you want to go in a corner and hide, but in the same instant love them more than anything. Or yell at them for bad behavior and then want nothing more than to pick them up and give them a huge hug. It is so peculiar and makes me feel torn all day long. With work, some days I really miss working and the break it provided, but then there are days when I am so appreciative that I am around for all the little moments that I used to miss when working.

So on Thanksgiving, what will I be thankful for - thankful that I have the option to stay home with my kids and thankful that God gives me the patience to be a loving parent to them... most of the time.

Anders update: he was on the floor playing tonight and he was batting his toys. This is a new thing that he just started doing, the reaching and hitting toys. Now the little man calls for me, so time to put the computer away.