A Letter to Quatro

Dear Baby,

You remain unnamed, and that may be the case until weeks after your birth at this rate. Daddy refuses to discuss names until you are born.  He has been kind enough to say no way when it is a name he does not like.  However, he does not like any names I have thrown out so far.  There are a few he has agreed to think on, so maybe there is hope. At this rate, you better be a girl because there is not one single boy name that has been accepted.

I am so excited to finally meet you, though I really am enjoying the last trimester of this pregnancy. I love feeling the bony protrusions from my belly and guessing which body part it might be.  I love all the belly kisses from your siblings, who already love you more than you know.  I love that your daddy really steps up his game when I am pregnant and helps out so much more without me even asking.  I love that strangers see the belly and smile at me. I love that you and I have this special time, where we are one, it is like having a secret just between us.

I am going to tell you the truth on why we wanted you.  Daddy and I walked into a restaurant with your three siblings and the waitress said wow you have your hands full, then she looked at my belly and said, oh my goodness and you are having another one.  It really was not meant to be rude and I did not take it that way.  Honestly, this is a common reaction to me and the kids, so no harm done.  Well, my response is always the same, yep, we are crazy.  That is my short and sweet answer, and honestly, probably a little true.  But here is the long truthful answer. I have always wanted 4 kids, that is what I always told people growing up.  Then I grew up and realized you do not always get what you want and sometimes you do not actually want what you thought you did.  I experienced friend after friend with fertility problems and began to appreciate that I would take whatever God gave me however he gave me a baby.  Thankfully, conception was not a struggle I had to endure and I was quickly blessed with babies the moment I decided I wanted one and in some cases, a bit earlier than I planned.  So once I realized I could physically conceive without problems, Daddy and I had to decide what we could reasonably handle. After your Uncle Alex got sick, I felt very lonely, since he was my only sibling. I knew at that point I would always have more than 2 kids.  Deciding to have Anders was an easy decision, he was on the agenda, he was my third that I had to have.  After Anders, Daddy and I had to think about whether we could really give of ourselves to another child.   I wanted to make sure that I could be the same parent to 4 as I could to 3.  Honestly, I do not know that I can be, but I have quickly learned that sibling love is pretty remarkable and where I may not have as much time, siblings fill the gap.  But we still were not sure, rather Daddy was not sure, especially since he would see my patience tried by your siblings.  So what make our ultimate decision, I knew we were missing you. It is hard to explain, but I always felt like our family was not complete and that someone was missing.  Truthfully, I love being pregnant and I love babies, so that helps for sure, but I really believed that there was another member of our family that we had not met yet.  So that is why I am so excited to meet you, the person we have been missing.  I am excited for you to meet your family, and you will soon learn, you have two parents who already love you, 3 siblings who will likely overwhelm you with affection, and an extended family that will knock your socks off.  We won't even go into our network of friends who will no doubt love you like family.

To put it simply, you are going to be born into a whole lot of love, and you are already a blessing to us.  You are going to be the high note in what has been a very painful year for our family.